A Dog, a Rope, Some Kids, and What They Did

This week for Declamation, I had to write a cautionary tale with a moral. Here it is.

A Dog, a Rope, Some Kids, and What They Did

Once upon a time, a grandmother and her spastic mutt lived across the street from five of her grandchildren, named Lindsey, Kendrick, Kathleen, Maggie, and Seamus. The oldest was about fifteen, and the youngest was two. This parallels my life in a very suspicious way, but I’m sure there’s no connection. Anyway, the older three were sometimes asked to walk said mutt, but these ‘walks’ were more like all-out running, because the dog would tear down the street at top speed once the leash was clipped. These children were inventive, however, and realized that there had to be a better way to walk the dog that didn’t involve getting their arms pulled out of their sockets. So, they discovered that, by using a long rope for a leash and putting on their rollerblades, they could get a pretty fun ride around the block and wear the dog out at the same time. They had this down to an art.

One day, their mother left to do errands, and Grandma called and asked if they could take Lil’ Hon for a run (nobody bothered calling it a walk anymore; everyone knew there was no such thing with that dog). Lindsey said they could, but only if Grandma didn’t mind watching Maggie. She didn’t have rollerblades, and couldn’t be left alone. But what to do about Seamus? Lindsey knew he’d be way too much for Grandma to handle, but they couldn’t just lock him in the house, either. They decided to bring Seamus along in his stroller, and Kathleen was told to push him around the block and keep up with the other two. Seriously, whom else would they give that job to? She was the youngest of the older kids, and therefore not as entitled to fun things like getting pulled around by the dog. But I digress. It soon became apparent that Kathleen could not keep up with them, so Lindsey had a brilliant idea, as usual. She and Kendrick stopped the dog, and he held her down, while Lindsey attached the lead to the foot rest of the stroller. That way, the dog could pull the stroller and the other three could skate and keep up. And Seamus was buckled in anyway, so what could possibly happen? Well, Lil’ Hon bolted, and the stroller shot down the road, bumping and careening, which actually made them more amused than alarmed. The dog got a head start because they were laughing too hard to skate, but once the front wheels of the stroller bounced up and the entire thing tipped back and flew down the street on the back wheels, they realized this wasn’t such a good idea after all. They caught up just in time; Lil’ Hon ran into a neighbor’s yard and up a small hill, which made the rope go slack. The stroller slowly tipped backwards, and Lindsey dove and caught it just before it hit the ground. Kendrick tackled Lil’ Hon and untied her from the stroller. Everyone started laughing again, except for Seamus. Their pale-faced brother was wide-eyed and gawking the entire time, too scared to cry. Kendrick took charge of the dog for the home stretch, and Lindsey pushed the stroller, which was very bent and wobbly, hardly functional at this point. Their mother was home by now, and rapidly put the pieces together. She was accustomed to deducing the most ludicrous answer possible and being right. Sherlock Holmes had nothing compared to her. Needless to say, she was most displeased with this event, and alternately lectured the culprits and comforted Seamus, who had found his voice by this time.

So the moral of the story is: Never attach hyper dogs to baby strollers, especially when there’s actually a passenger.